The first graders planted green beans, and it worked! Here they are on my desk in front of the big window. My, my, that window looks so clean, it's like my desk is outside! In the road! Actually, that's just the blacktop- the playground is just out of view. Kids pass this window going to recess from the cafeteria, and we get a constant stream of interested little faces checking out the progress of these great plants. A few seem not to have sprouted, but then good sir Eric Carle warned us that not all seeds sprout. It'll be OK.
Judging from the consistent Zero next to where it says comments on here, I'm pretty sure it's safe for me to say just about anything I want to and no one will ever be the wiser. I mean, wow, what freedom! I really am just talking to myself.
So, the truth: I'm terrified every day. I think I've burdened my family with a huge ol' load of student loan debt and will never be able to get a job in this economy. I'll be lucky to get anything resembling regular work as a substitute, and even that online Connections Academy isn't hiring anyone for elementary positions in my region. A lot of teachers say they got hired in August. I fear, though, that letting myself think "oh, August. So this is fine. This is normal. I'll totally get hired right after summer school." will be setting myself up for major disappointment and stress.
What used to look like a not-so-good-but-it'll-do Plan B is now what I'll be lucky if I can pull off. It consists of subbing (a little) next year and taking more classes so when something finally does open up I'll be a little closer to an extra endorsement (probably reading). It all just feels so sad. I just want my own shiny room with my little charges all ready for the learnin'. My calendar time. My book clubs. My dodge ball games. My counting by 2s and spelling quizzes.
For now, though, I have green beans. I'll be living in the moment now.
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