This school year is coming to a close. Next week we're only in session three days, the following week four days, and that's all she wrote. Though I have a few weeks of course work to follow that before I get my pretty letters to stick after my name, it's safe to say the end is in sight. So, in the interest of adhering to the central theme of this Master of Arts in Teaching program (reflection, reflection, reflection), I thought I'd ponder the enduring understandings about the profession of teaching that I've gleaned this year.

Inside the classroom, my biggest focus is on classroom management, with general organization being a close second. I've found that when I'm on a roll with the kids and they're responding well to my instructions, amazingly we get a lot more learning in! When I came to the first grade right after spring break, on the heels of almost six months with sixth graders, it took me a while to get into the rhythm. Obviously, with such a large age gap, a lot of management techniques have to be different. Some things are the same, whether the students are first graders (or, I'm sure, preschoolers) or graduate students. We like to chat with our friends. What we're talking about and how we carry ourselves while doing it may look different at different ages, but a good teacher/ professor/ workshop leader acknowledges this and works with it instead of against it, using age- and setting-appropriate ways to pull every one's attention back to the task at hand.

In the beginning of the term I spent a lot of time (which felt like wasted time, though it had its educational merit for me and for the kids) just getting it quiet enough that I could move on to the next part of the lesson. Some days it was excruciating. Even while teaching my work sample, which overlapped with my full time takeover of the classroom for the student teaching requirements, I never had a whole day of attentiveness. I'm not expecting perfect silence, or everyone sitting in rows with hands folded and backs straight. It would be weird if six year olds never squirmed or giggled or picked their noses when the teacher's talking. Of course they will get off task. But I know that when I have developed enough gravitas and authority it will go more smoothly.

After a week of ups and downs, Friday was an especially up day. Previous days had included some especially squirelly behavior. This included a lot of running and sliding in the classroom, nasty words exchanged, tattling, and general jokey noisiness during instruction. There were some moments of successful first grade work, but I was so tired after each day.

Then we got to Friday. Sullen Malevolent Boy and Hyper Hateful boy were both absent. That left only Manic Rude Girl to stir the pot. The day was like a dream. They were still wiggly and excited because it was the Friday before a four day weekend, followed by only a few days remaining in the school year. We had practice for the class play. We made costumes. We watched the movie Babe to wrap up our big unit (actually from the amazing math curriculum!) on farms. We had a bike parade to wrap up our school's two-week Bike to School extravaganza. We even got to have our long awaited cups of ice cream to celebrate some good behavior points earned long long ago (which I noticed even the Jehovah's Witnesses accepted!). My mentor had to do one more formal observation of my teaching, so I led the math lesson of the day, and it went beautifully. Every last one of them was engaged, they were excited about finding as many different methods as possible to solve the "how many legs on three cows" story problems. A few of them spontaneously worked in pairs (actually worked, not just got together to avoid) and came up with creative and accurate answers. Then they all finished up more than we'd expected in the time allowed and sat on the rug reading. It was awesome. It was only later that I connected the aforementioned absences with the awesomeness that was my lesson, but I'll take what I can get. It was so nice to leave school for the long weekend with a sense of a job well done instead of wearily feeling like I need this break just to survive the rest of the year! Despite the providence of those absent fellows, I am feeling significantly more able and skilled when it comes to directing the kids and maintaining (or quickly regaining) appropriate order. I was thoroughly charmed all day long by the sweetness and enthusiasm and just general cuteness of these children. I felt like I'd finally gotten to the level of proficiency I'd reached around February with the sixth graders. Thank goodness!

Now, on to my four day weekend. Lots of sleeping in and hanging out with my own kids!

The end is in sight.

Nine weeks to go and I'll have three fancy new letters after my name. The spring term is winding down; after one more weekend of probably sixteen hour days, my spring work sample will be done and turned in. Then we proceed to finish up with one action packed summer term. Then it's all over except for the worrying about finding a job in this economy. Substitute teaching never looked so good.

Last night we presented our portfolios to faculty (what I think of as a baby-version of a defense of dissertation for master's degree students). These huge binders exhibited work from the whole year so far, with a long and detailed list of specific accomplishments and professional traits to exhibit. The presentations went well, and I was really proud of my cohort. I would be happy for my own daughters to be in any one of their classes: they'll all make great teachers. We all will. I can't wait for my first for-real classroom.

Spring (and change) is finally in the air!

Despite the slow pace of economic recovery and the stressful tedium of the waiting game, I'm feeling optimistic. Cautious, but optimistic. My husband and I have firmly decided we're not leaving our quaint little town to search for jobs. I'd been sending out resumes all around our region (the whole state of Oregon, some of Washington, Idaho, and California) just to see what would surface for a first year teacher like me. So now, even though the only local leads are outside my authorization areas (like special ed or high school math), I feel OK about the wait and see. First of all, something great could still open up between now and September. If it doesn't, plan B (substitute teaching) is OK and would have some up sides. Yes, I'd need to scramble to fill in the economic gaps if I don't get enough work as a sub. But I'd have more time with my youngest daughter who'll be only 3 during this upcoming school year. We also have a little bit of an interest in a piece of real estate down the road that would be an amazing and thoroughly positive addition to our lives. If we get it, there would be projects going on and it would be helpful to be home a bit next year to work on them. I must not say more, lest I jinx the whole thing. More on this later if it pans out. Probably most importantly, if I'm not hired into my very own classroom, I'll be needing to get creative and be open to new possibilities, both as a part of meeting my family's financial needs and as a part of pursuing my budding career as an educator. If I don't yet have my very own most perfect and permanent classroom, maybe I can teach something after school. Maybe parents would like their children to have art classes or experiment with science inquiries once a week. I may be continuing my education with additional graduate courses to add on an endorsement. Though I'm no fan of the uncertainty, at least I'm open to the creative possibilities. Maybe I'll be subbing occasionally and pumping gas (an actual job here in Oregon, though of course not well paid). Who knows? All I know is that right now I know we're staying here in Cute Small Town and something great will eventually happen.

Signs of Spring: green beans and job worries

The first graders planted green beans, and it worked! Here they are on my desk in front of the big window. My, my, that window looks so clean, it's like my desk is outside! In the road! Actually, that's just the blacktop- the playground is just out of view. Kids pass this window going to recess from the cafeteria, and we get a constant stream of interested little faces checking out the progress of these great plants. A few seem not to have sprouted, but then good sir Eric Carle warned us that not all seeds sprout. It'll be OK.

Judging from the consistent Zero next to where it says comments on here, I'm pretty sure it's safe for me to say just about anything I want to and no one will ever be the wiser. I mean, wow, what freedom! I really am just talking to myself.

So, the truth: I'm terrified every day. I think I've burdened my family with a huge ol' load of student loan debt and will never be able to get a job in this economy. I'll be lucky to get anything resembling regular work as a substitute, and even that online Connections Academy isn't hiring anyone for elementary positions in my region. A lot of teachers say they got hired in August. I fear, though, that letting myself think "oh, August. So this is fine. This is normal. I'll totally get hired right after summer school." will be setting myself up for major disappointment and stress.

What used to look like a not-so-good-but-it'll-do Plan B is now what I'll be lucky if I can pull off. It consists of subbing (a little) next year and taking more classes so when something finally does open up I'll be a little closer to an extra endorsement (probably reading). It all just feels so sad. I just want my own shiny room with my little charges all ready for the learnin'. My calendar time. My book clubs. My dodge ball games. My counting by 2s and spelling quizzes.

For now, though, I have green beans. I'll be living in the moment now.