Job security stress

I'm having such mixed emotions. I met with the principal and the teacher I'm subbing for Friday afternoon to talk about her coming in as a volunteer a few (as in, 4!) days a week so she can start flexing her muscles a bit in preparation for returning to the classroom. The accident left her with brain damage that is mainly showing itself as memory problems. Lots of them.

The negative feelings: I feel threatened. My space and my authority with the students will be undermined or even usurped. She might get all the way better and I may then lose the job altogether. I'll have someone looking over my shoulder, which doesn't always lend itself to my best performances. It'll be like being a student teacher again.

On the other hand, she'd a great woman with tons of experience She taught one of my daughters a few years ago. She wrote my letter of reference when I was applying to graduate school. It's so weird and not right to see her as an adversary. We will probably work well together and the kids will probably benefit. She's got a nice sounding Thanksgiving project in mind, which I'm more than happy to let her lead since, as I've mentioned here, I have no interest in diving into what I see as a can of worms in teaching that particular history. The curriculum for kindergarten is so simplified, though, that it ultimately doesn't much matter. She tends to have a generally multicultural approach to most everything in the classroom, so it'll be fine. I'd still like to do the gratitude tree though.

I suppose this volunteer thing will go one of two ways. Either she'll prove to be significantly on the mend and ready to return soon or it'll show her what is still too difficult. We briefly discussed the idea of a job share down the line if she is ready to return during this year, since the kids of course see me as their teacher and the work load might be manageable for her if it were shared. My bottom line would likely be affected by that, but it would sure be better than unemployment, or than regular subbing with the constant question of "will I get called?", not to mention the chaos of subbing all over all the time, with little consistency. God I want a contract! I can't help but think that the uncertainty of this situation will serve me well in the long run. Someone's got to retire eventually, and I should be able to step in when that happens. It's just so hard to stay upbeat some days, feeling like it could end anytime, and then what? I've got some serious bills to pay!

This is not a typical first year teaching experience. But it's not a typical economy either.

happy graduation to us...

Yesterday I participated in the commencement ceremony marking the completion of my master's degree. (OK, my cohort and I are not quite there yet, but we're mere weeks from complete and got to walk anyway.) I have always valued higher education and am proud of this accomplishment; I'm even proud in advance of the good work this degree will allow me to do.
But.
There are no jobs. There is no money to go around. I am not qualified to be an RN or a long haul truck driver, and these are really about all my local paper is advertising for. Somehow my worries have been overshadowing my pride in a job well done. A Wall Street Journal article is highlighting the way the baby boomers have, well, basically ruined the country and maybe to an extent the planet for us, their children. Leaving school doesn't look so good when unemployment is this high. For about eleven months now, I've been second guessing myself, and it's only gotten worse as the year dragged on. Was taking out these student loans a good idea, when I could (presumably) gotten a job a year ago and been making money all this time instead of accruing debt and angst? Boomer commencement speakers this year are on record apologizing to this year's graduates for the world we're inheriting. As Judy Berman puts it, "too little, too late". Sure, there are individual examples here and there of baby boomers who I value and like (mostly my parents and one or two professors). As a whole, though, they've really done a number on us.
I'll be lucky to be working part time pumping gas after summer classes are done. I'm not exaggerating either. (Pumping gas is an actual job here in Oregon, btw). The glow of graduation day is definitely gone already.

Bad economy, good time to be creative

I'm at loose ends. With no long term writing projects hanging over my head, this week off is actually a week off! My older children finished up their school year on Tuesday, and I spent the whole day doing family-errands. I visited the high school to pay my oldest daughter's band teacher for the flute that looks like it won't be abandoned. Then I took the almost-3 year old to get on a preschool waiting list (good news: they're not worried about potty training status; bad news: it may be a year before she gets in). Then it was on to big kids' elementary school, where I procured a loaner violin for 8 year old to play over the summer, watched 10 year old receive many many awards for being an all around good kid and serious scholar, and make friendly, sort of "hire me someday" chitchat with as many folks at the school as possible for one last time. Then, toddler and I hustled home as fast as possible, as we were running all these errands on the bike and a rain storm was threatening. Rain. In the high desert. In June. Wow- this global warming is treating my area all right so far. More biking and less driving is in order anyway.

The strange thing right now is, I suppose, economically driven. Because we're in the toilet as far as the state budget goes, there are literally No Teaching Jobs. None. Like teachers are being laid off. So I'm forced to get creative with the whole job/career thing. It's looking like I'll be substitute teaching for our two local school districts next year. This is fine with me; I've gotten used to the idea of not getting a full fledged job and there are advantages to subbing. The pay won't be good, though, because there is a large pool of subs and I'm a newbie. So I'll need another job that starts around 4pm, so on days when I do get a subbing call I'll be able to accept it and still make it to the other job. This could make for a weird and even hectic school year, but we gotta do what we gotta do. This is where things get interesting, in my current mood of cautious optimism. What will I do for work in the after-school hours? I know there aren't a million jobs to choose from that will fit the bill, but maybe something good will surface... I've actually sent out two resumes today, and the one I'm hoping works out would be in that after 4 bracket (most likely) and would involve education and my undergraduate area of expertise and is right here in town and would be fun. While paying the bills. And not interfering with that keeping-my-toe-in-it substitute work. Fingers crossed. Please please please. If this works out and I'm hired, and subbing, and our big exciting new real estate pursuit pans out, well then I think 2009 will be a Good Year. Actually making a living at this stuff would be a dream come true.

Spring (and change) is finally in the air!

Despite the slow pace of economic recovery and the stressful tedium of the waiting game, I'm feeling optimistic. Cautious, but optimistic. My husband and I have firmly decided we're not leaving our quaint little town to search for jobs. I'd been sending out resumes all around our region (the whole state of Oregon, some of Washington, Idaho, and California) just to see what would surface for a first year teacher like me. So now, even though the only local leads are outside my authorization areas (like special ed or high school math), I feel OK about the wait and see. First of all, something great could still open up between now and September. If it doesn't, plan B (substitute teaching) is OK and would have some up sides. Yes, I'd need to scramble to fill in the economic gaps if I don't get enough work as a sub. But I'd have more time with my youngest daughter who'll be only 3 during this upcoming school year. We also have a little bit of an interest in a piece of real estate down the road that would be an amazing and thoroughly positive addition to our lives. If we get it, there would be projects going on and it would be helpful to be home a bit next year to work on them. I must not say more, lest I jinx the whole thing. More on this later if it pans out. Probably most importantly, if I'm not hired into my very own classroom, I'll be needing to get creative and be open to new possibilities, both as a part of meeting my family's financial needs and as a part of pursuing my budding career as an educator. If I don't yet have my very own most perfect and permanent classroom, maybe I can teach something after school. Maybe parents would like their children to have art classes or experiment with science inquiries once a week. I may be continuing my education with additional graduate courses to add on an endorsement. Though I'm no fan of the uncertainty, at least I'm open to the creative possibilities. Maybe I'll be subbing occasionally and pumping gas (an actual job here in Oregon, though of course not well paid). Who knows? All I know is that right now I know we're staying here in Cute Small Town and something great will eventually happen.

Signs of Spring: green beans and job worries

The first graders planted green beans, and it worked! Here they are on my desk in front of the big window. My, my, that window looks so clean, it's like my desk is outside! In the road! Actually, that's just the blacktop- the playground is just out of view. Kids pass this window going to recess from the cafeteria, and we get a constant stream of interested little faces checking out the progress of these great plants. A few seem not to have sprouted, but then good sir Eric Carle warned us that not all seeds sprout. It'll be OK.

Judging from the consistent Zero next to where it says comments on here, I'm pretty sure it's safe for me to say just about anything I want to and no one will ever be the wiser. I mean, wow, what freedom! I really am just talking to myself.

So, the truth: I'm terrified every day. I think I've burdened my family with a huge ol' load of student loan debt and will never be able to get a job in this economy. I'll be lucky to get anything resembling regular work as a substitute, and even that online Connections Academy isn't hiring anyone for elementary positions in my region. A lot of teachers say they got hired in August. I fear, though, that letting myself think "oh, August. So this is fine. This is normal. I'll totally get hired right after summer school." will be setting myself up for major disappointment and stress.

What used to look like a not-so-good-but-it'll-do Plan B is now what I'll be lucky if I can pull off. It consists of subbing (a little) next year and taking more classes so when something finally does open up I'll be a little closer to an extra endorsement (probably reading). It all just feels so sad. I just want my own shiny room with my little charges all ready for the learnin'. My calendar time. My book clubs. My dodge ball games. My counting by 2s and spelling quizzes.

For now, though, I have green beans. I'll be living in the moment now.

The Big Words, They Keep On Coming

My friends ask me if I have to study this weekend, and although I say "(sigh)yes", the truth is it's all writing now, not really studying per se. I've been thinking about so many different issues related to both education in general and the specific issues of my local area in particular that my head is spinning. Now I'm just trying to write it all up for the completion of the current term.

On my mind, put down here in the hopes I can clear my head enough to finish this week's workload, in no particular order:

Poverty and its impact on kids' educations: poor kids have always had the deck stacked against them, and nowadays more and more of our children are living below the poverty line. In my county, 25% of children under the age of 18 lived below the poverty line in 2007. Since the current recession pretty much started that year and things have only gotten worse, I'd say we're approaching some pretty catastrophic levels of poverty in our schools. The vast majority of public schools in our two local districts qualify for Title I funds. The difficulties faced by these children when they arrive at school are significant. I'm still working on wrapping my head around effective interventions; I've only just begun to identify the symptoms most commonly seen in poor populations. Not that I'm unfamiliar with poverty; understanding it through common sense and being able to objectively identify symptoms and their causes are different skills of observation.

And speaking of the economy, the other main thing on my mind is the job market, specifically for teachers. With state budget shortfalls, most if not all districts in Oregon are cutting school days this year to save money, which is disruptive and stressful to teachers, even though there aren't really any alternatives that I know of. In my town, two elementary schools are closing in June. With less money in the system, I imagine that larger class sizes at the remaining schools will be seen as a sensible response. This means fewer teachers needed, which means a brand new, fresh out of school teacher has a fairly low chance around here of finding any kind of first year position, let alone anything that might be preferred or best suited to the teacher's skills and talents. I really don't want to move away. We're raising a family here, we've put down roots, we're finally starting to work on fixing up our own property (after renovating the rentals over the years to a pretty spiffy state). How can I think about painting my kitchen when I know I have to go to Portland for the big educators' job fair next month and be prepared to jump at any job offers that may come along? I would so much rather stay here and be a part of my own community's future. Maybe substitute teaching won't be too bad. Maybe I can even make it great!

future focus

I've been thinking a lot about the future lately, and it's made me aware of the calendar-centric nature of academia in general, regardless of the level. Because I'm a graduate student working on a degree in elementary education, I'm completely immersed in the world of education at both ends of the spectrum. For my personal work as a student, the focus is on my own growth and my future career. For my students, little kids who are just starting out, it's as if their lives are nothing but future! Preparing them for their lives as participants in our society is the whole point, and we accomplish this bit by bit within the yearly calendar. Sometimes I feel like everything is about tomorrow. But, as a stay-at-home mother for a decade, my focus was on the present so much of the time that it mostly feels refreshing to look up and out and think about the grand scheme of things more.

In other news, though there is the expected whining from those whose standard of living might be affected if they can't adjust and live within their means, Congress has placed stricter than expected caps on executive bonuses. As someone who's hoping to see some of the stimulus package dollars make their way into my local classrooms, I can't help but be a bit pleased by this. I'm cautiously optimistic that our schools could end up benefiting from this bill. And it's pretty hard for me to work up much sympathy for someone who'll be "limited" to only half a million dollars a year income. My school district sure could hire a lot of highly qualified teachers for one of those folks' yearly pay. *sigh*